Why Quitting The Pill Makes Me Feel Empowered AF

The power of options.

I went on the pill shortly before I turned 19, in preparation for a moment that was both so monumental in my mind and also serves as the most unsatisfying sexual encounter I have ever experienced. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I would need to be on the pill in order to have vaginal intercourse, in addition to using condoms, of course. My gynecologist at the time specialized in adolescents, and although she wrote the prescription, she made judgemental remarks after she prodded me about my current relationship status, concluding that I should be careful with what I called “a friend with benefits.” Nonetheless, I went on my way, script in hand, feeling empowered by my own decision to avoid unwanted pregnancy.

My biggest concern with the pill, in typical American teenage girl fashion, was gaining weight, which I later realized would possibly occur because the pill increased my appetite. This, along with other symptoms, like moodiness and spotting, only lasted about three months, and then I was smooth sailing on the pill like it was something I was born taking. I always defended the pill when friends said they tried it and instantly felt like a monster, explaining that it could have a difficult adjustment period, but that the emotions would regulate over time. I also never had any issues taking the pill every day, since I added it to my bedtime routine. Regardless, I respected any one’s choice to ditch the pill and try one of the numerous other contraceptive options.

However, I’ve been so obsessed with what birth control everyone is on that I forgot that just as it is a choice to be on the pill, IUD, etc., it is also a choice to be on no birth control at all! So when the gynecologist suggested during my last visit I go off the pill for a couple of months and reevaluate my options, I saw so clearly for the first time, that I don’t necessarily need to be on birth control. I haven’t had a real period for almost seven years, and I’m one of those rare people with a vagina who love their period. The last authentic period I can remember having is about a year before I went on the pill. I was having my first consistent romance with a boy from high school, and we were exploring all of the exciting sexual activities without going “all the way.” One day, I was packing up my room to go to college, and he was lying on the bed, sulking over the inevitable breakup that was coming. I laid on top of him in just a bra and loose-fitting jeans. My stomach was so bloated, and my breasts were so tender. It was an oddly emotional moment between us, as he felt my swollen body in fascination. That kind of change that my body is naturally supposed to go through fascinates me as well, and I hope I’m not being too optimistic in hoping I have future moments like this with my current boyfriend of three years. (Maybe we should catch up after a couple of months because I could actually have terrible cramps and erratic emotions since the pill makes my period light to non-existent.)

I’m ready to embark on my new journey, free from hormones, because for the first time in my adult life, I am going to get acquainted with a more natural side of my body. I am a bit nervous to rely solely on condoms and the withdrawal method, as I have always used both of these methods in addition to the pill. However, the doctor reassured me that these are acceptable options, given my experience and knowledge. In fact, according to Planned Parenthood, condoms are 98% effective if used correctly. Withdrawal is 78% effective, so it’s wise to have emergency contraception around as a backup.

I feel confident that today vs. when I was 19, I am more informed and stable, and there is a lot more information and innovation in the world of contraception. My seven years on the pill have been so good to me, but I feel empowered that I have the ability to make a change and do what I want with my body!

Header image illustrated by Marcy Gooberman, the author of this article!

Must be looooooove on the braaaaain 🧠. Or was that s£x? 👀🤭 Our brains are our largest s£x organs and sometimes they get a little sad, hyperactive, anxious, or overwhelmed. You won’t always be in the mood for s£x and that’s okay! Keep communication with your partner open and ongoing, check in with yourself and your mental health, and lean on the support of a trusted therapist or doctor if you need some extra guidance. 🫶🏽 Anything you would add?

I mean 😏

It is not wrong nor should it feel shameful to ✨seek pleasure.✨ I think those of us who grew up more religious were taught that you should always be in service of others and giving of yourself rather than concerned with our own needs or passions. While it is wonderful to be generous with giving (and can in fact be a source of pleasure), it should be equally encouraged to pursue your own pleasure — it whatever form it may take! It may feel self-indulgent, but why is that a bad thing? Pleasure boosts our mental health. It helps us cope with a difficult world, with anxiety, depression, and stress. It makes us feel good! It gives us something to look forward to. Pleasure helps us connect with others and with ourselves. Pleasure (as long as it is not at the expense of someone else’s safety or well-being) should be a priority, for our joy and for our health. It really is so important! Where do you find pleasure? I personally love a good massage… 💆🏽‍♀️

It’s time for a talk, friend. Let’s be clear, you nor your partner ever has to do *anything* you’re not comfortable with. That said, if it’s something you enjoy and that’s pleasurable to you, it’s okay to ask your partner for it! They can say no, but if they invalidate your pleasure, much less expect you to do something they won’t do?? The ball is then in your court to decide if this is the partner for you. You deserve someone who cares about and prioritizes your pleasure. Who is thrilled to be acquainted with your body, all of it! S-x can be vulnerable to talk about, but when you do…it’s so much better. 👅 included. Ask your partner what their hesitations are and have a *conversation.* Maybe they’re nervous, intimidated, or struggling with shame. Maybe they’re down to try other things you would enjoy and build up to it. The point is, it shouldn’t just be automatically dismissed. You can decide what’s right for you and what makes you feel aroused, validated, and appreciated. Whatever you do, don’t internalize their rejection. Your body is beautiful, desirable, and definitely worthy of pleasure. 😋🥰

A UK study published in the International Urogynecology Journal found that only 46% of participants correctly identified that a female has 3 holes in the external genitalia. 😬 Not great. We’re taught so desperately little about our bodies and so discouraged from exploring them that we don’t even know what we’ve got going on down there! Understanding your own anatomy (and getting educated on your partner’s anatomy) can boost pleasure 1000x!! So take a mirror, use your hands, and get comfy exploring! 🪞🕵🏽‍♀️ And if you really want to get informed (and inspired 😉), head to our website for our basics on pleasure and anatomy. What do you think? Could YOU correctly label a diagram of what lies beneath?

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