The Four Sex Myths You Learned From Television

The media loves to talk about sex. Unfortunately, some of our most ubiquitous forms of media get a lot wrong when they take on sexual education.

You know that notorious sex education scene in Mean Girls when Coach Carr tells his students not to have sex because they’d get pregnant and die? When the movie aired in 2004, it was legal for him to tell his class that false information because at the time, Illinois didn’t mandate sex-ed to be medically accurate.

Today, only 13 states require high schools to teach comprehensive sexual education, leaving millions of students susceptible to believing harmful myths about sex. Studies show that many teens first exposure to sex-ed comes from television, and that the sexual content they see is linked with their level of sexual activity.

Hollywood has the potential to be an excellent source for sexual education, but instead of portraying the realities, most movies and TV shows perpetuate sex myths.

1. There are no awkward moments during sex

Sex with new partners is always the worst because I have to learn what makes their toes curl. Every touch, moan and squirt is a surprise, and it can be awkward navigating each other’s bodies. Unless you’ve had sex, you probably don’t know how weird it can get because of movies like Endless Love and The Titanic. David deflowers Jade next to a romantic fire on a wooden floor, and Jack takes Rose’s virginity inside a car. To all the romantics out there, I’m sorry to burst your bubble but cars and floors are like, the most uncomfortable and awkward places to have sex.

Awkward sex leads to incredible sex, and it’s never going to be great the first time. But that’s ok! The only way to improve is to communicate with your partner and verbally tell them what you like and what you don’t. Don’t be afraid to share what turns you on, because everyone’s different — that’s what makes sex so exciting!

2. If you have sex without a condom, you will definitely get pregnant (because apparently birth control doesn’t exist)

Remember that time your favorite female television character took her birth control pill, got an IUD or explored the implant? How about the time she had unprotected sex and took Plan B afterward? If so, I’d like to know what show you were watching, because the best example I can think of is Knocked Up which, spoiler alert, resulted in an unplanned pregnancy.

The reality is, TV rarely depicts contraceptives. Only four percent of sex scenes discuss risk behavior, according to the Kaiser Family Foundation. But there are plenty of options for birth control that can fit with your lifestyle and preferences. Birth control has many benefits including pregnancy prevention (thus the name), period regulation, acne reduction and PMS symptom alleviation. Talk to your doctor to decide what’s right for you. This is also an important conversation to have with a partner. Oh, and just because you’re on birth control doesn’t mean you can’t contract an STI. Condoms make an epic sidekick.

3. Women can orgasm instantaneously

I used to think there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t orgasm from sex. I knew I could climax, I was masturbating before I learned the multiplication table. But I thought vaginal penetration was supposed to be even more euphoric than clitoral stimulation, because that’s what I saw on TV.

I was baffled by my inability to orgasm from someone else’s touch. How did Brittany Murphy’s (bless her soul) character in 8 Mile simultaneously climax with Eminem in less than two minutes? And why could Allie orgasm instantaneously the first time she had sex with Noah in The Notebook and I couldn’t?

Because movies are magic and those sex scenes are as fake as Cardi B’s nails. The truth is, only 18 percent of women can orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, according to a study published last year in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy. Kissing in the rain and a couple pumps isn’t enough to make most women orgasm, and Hollywood should give their characters a map to the clitoris instead of reinforcing false narratives.

4. Jealousy and stalking are super romantic

I hate to be the one to break this to you, but most of the couples we idolize on TV and in movies are actually pretty unhealthy. Aria and Ezra? Well, not only did he pursue an illegal and immoral relationship with a minor, he also stalked her and her friends for years. He might not have been “A,” but he was definitely… a creep. Chuck and Blair? This pains me to say, but also totally toxic. They both use and manipulate each other endlessly. Young Bass also traded Blair for his hotel, made countless attempts to control her dating life, and emotionally abused her with displays of extreme jealousy and fleeting romantic gestures. Edward and Bella? The vampire we all fell in (unrequited) love with was completely controlling over Bella’s decisions, stalked her both at night and during the day, and caused her to have strained relationships with her friends and family.

Not all abuse is physical, and it is important to identify the traits of an emotionally abusive relationship. Your #relationshipgoals should include honesty, mutual respect, open communication, trust and boundaries. If something feels off, it probably is. Always trust your gut.

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Header image illustrated by Marcy Gooberman

Must be looooooove on the braaaaain 🧠. Or was that s£x? 👀🤭 Our brains are our largest s£x organs and sometimes they get a little sad, hyperactive, anxious, or overwhelmed. You won’t always be in the mood for s£x and that’s okay! Keep communication with your partner open and ongoing, check in with yourself and your mental health, and lean on the support of a trusted therapist or doctor if you need some extra guidance. 🫶🏽 Anything you would add?

I mean 😏

It is not wrong nor should it feel shameful to ✨seek pleasure.✨ I think those of us who grew up more religious were taught that you should always be in service of others and giving of yourself rather than concerned with our own needs or passions. While it is wonderful to be generous with giving (and can in fact be a source of pleasure), it should be equally encouraged to pursue your own pleasure — it whatever form it may take! It may feel self-indulgent, but why is that a bad thing? Pleasure boosts our mental health. It helps us cope with a difficult world, with anxiety, depression, and stress. It makes us feel good! It gives us something to look forward to. Pleasure helps us connect with others and with ourselves. Pleasure (as long as it is not at the expense of someone else’s safety or well-being) should be a priority, for our joy and for our health. It really is so important! Where do you find pleasure? I personally love a good massage… 💆🏽‍♀️

It’s time for a talk, friend. Let’s be clear, you nor your partner ever has to do *anything* you’re not comfortable with. That said, if it’s something you enjoy and that’s pleasurable to you, it’s okay to ask your partner for it! They can say no, but if they invalidate your pleasure, much less expect you to do something they won’t do?? The ball is then in your court to decide if this is the partner for you. You deserve someone who cares about and prioritizes your pleasure. Who is thrilled to be acquainted with your body, all of it! S-x can be vulnerable to talk about, but when you do…it’s so much better. 👅 included. Ask your partner what their hesitations are and have a *conversation.* Maybe they’re nervous, intimidated, or struggling with shame. Maybe they’re down to try other things you would enjoy and build up to it. The point is, it shouldn’t just be automatically dismissed. You can decide what’s right for you and what makes you feel aroused, validated, and appreciated. Whatever you do, don’t internalize their rejection. Your body is beautiful, desirable, and definitely worthy of pleasure. 😋🥰

A UK study published in the International Urogynecology Journal found that only 46% of participants correctly identified that a female has 3 holes in the external genitalia. 😬 Not great. We’re taught so desperately little about our bodies and so discouraged from exploring them that we don’t even know what we’ve got going on down there! Understanding your own anatomy (and getting educated on your partner’s anatomy) can boost pleasure 1000x!! So take a mirror, use your hands, and get comfy exploring! 🪞🕵🏽‍♀️ And if you really want to get informed (and inspired 😉), head to our website for our basics on pleasure and anatomy. What do you think? Could YOU correctly label a diagram of what lies beneath?

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