What Is the Difference Between Premature Ejaculation and Erectile Dysfunction?

And how do I deal?

PE and ED stand for premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction respectively, and it happens to people with penises.

What is Premature Ejaculation?

The most common type of ejaculation difficulty is premature ejaculation (PE). It happens when a person’s ejaculation occurs rapidly, much faster than what is desired by the individual or their partner. PE is also known as rapid ejaculation, rapid climax, premature climax or early ejaculation (EE).

What is Erectile Dysfunction?

Erectile dysfunction is a common health problem characterized by the consistent inability to sustain an erection sufficient for sexual intercourse or the inability to achieve ejaculation, or both. This problem can be occasional, as well as periodical. Any diseases that affect blood flow such as hypertension, high blood pressure can cause ED.

What can be done?

These are some general things you could do which will help you regardless:

1. Do your Kegels.

Kegel exercises strengthen your pelvic floor muscles and reinforce your neuro-bio (mind-body) connection. These are the same muscles you use to stop the flow of urine while you’re urinating. You can do the squeezes (when your bladder is empty, of course) anywhere at any time — whether you’re sitting at a desk, queuing, or on public transport. Kegels can help you increase your awareness of your sexual response. This pelvic floor squeezing can return a feeling of control when you are approaching the edge of ejaculation or ‘point of no return’. In addition, stronger pelvic muscles and mind-body connections increase connection and confidence around erection as well. Of course, this method will not necessarily work for everyone (the same goes for people with vaginas).

2. Stop-Start Method.

When you feel you are about to come during sex or masturbation, slow down, stop your hand movement, and/or think of something else. After two or three minutes your arousal should have dropped, so you can then return to what you were doing — but take it slowly. These practices will support in learning to slow down or withdraw altogether from your partner. It is easier to master this technique by yourself when masturbating. Note: It is much harder to do this while watching porn, as the above instructions require you to be present in your body and notice your internal sensations.

3. Use Lube.

There is a link between ejaculation control and erection confidence. You can incorporate the use of lubricant into your self-practice and further your mastery of the stop-start method. Check out the tabú guide to lubes to decide which lubricant is right for you. Should you choose an oil-based lubricant, remember that it is not safe for use with condoms, and not recommended for use during vaginal penetration.

4. Communicate.

Discuss openly and honestly with your partner about sexual desires and needs. You might be surprised that a distressing condition for you may genuinely be a non-issue for your partner. If this is a goal you wish to work on for your own sexual fulfillment, ask directly for how and in what ways you would like support. One way to take pressure off you is by agreeing to engage in other kinds of sexual activity, such as the use of sex toys or oral sex.

5. Get professional support.

For both PE and ED, besides oral medication, treatment options include mechanical devices, behavioral training as well as couples coaching.

You can seek professional help that doesn’t rely on pharmaceuticals, preferably a trained pelvic floor physical therapist and/or sexologist who will coach you through the different options.

Header image edited by Marcy Gooberman / Gif images source: GIPHY

Must be looooooove on the braaaaain 🧠. Or was that s£x? 👀🤭 Our brains are our largest s£x organs and sometimes they get a little sad, hyperactive, anxious, or overwhelmed. You won’t always be in the mood for s£x and that’s okay! Keep communication with your partner open and ongoing, check in with yourself and your mental health, and lean on the support of a trusted therapist or doctor if you need some extra guidance. 🫶🏽 Anything you would add?

I mean 😏

It is not wrong nor should it feel shameful to ✨seek pleasure.✨ I think those of us who grew up more religious were taught that you should always be in service of others and giving of yourself rather than concerned with our own needs or passions. While it is wonderful to be generous with giving (and can in fact be a source of pleasure), it should be equally encouraged to pursue your own pleasure — it whatever form it may take! It may feel self-indulgent, but why is that a bad thing? Pleasure boosts our mental health. It helps us cope with a difficult world, with anxiety, depression, and stress. It makes us feel good! It gives us something to look forward to. Pleasure helps us connect with others and with ourselves. Pleasure (as long as it is not at the expense of someone else’s safety or well-being) should be a priority, for our joy and for our health. It really is so important! Where do you find pleasure? I personally love a good massage… 💆🏽‍♀️

It’s time for a talk, friend. Let’s be clear, you nor your partner ever has to do *anything* you’re not comfortable with. That said, if it’s something you enjoy and that’s pleasurable to you, it’s okay to ask your partner for it! They can say no, but if they invalidate your pleasure, much less expect you to do something they won’t do?? The ball is then in your court to decide if this is the partner for you. You deserve someone who cares about and prioritizes your pleasure. Who is thrilled to be acquainted with your body, all of it! S-x can be vulnerable to talk about, but when you do…it’s so much better. 👅 included. Ask your partner what their hesitations are and have a *conversation.* Maybe they’re nervous, intimidated, or struggling with shame. Maybe they’re down to try other things you would enjoy and build up to it. The point is, it shouldn’t just be automatically dismissed. You can decide what’s right for you and what makes you feel aroused, validated, and appreciated. Whatever you do, don’t internalize their rejection. Your body is beautiful, desirable, and definitely worthy of pleasure. 😋🥰

A UK study published in the International Urogynecology Journal found that only 46% of participants correctly identified that a female has 3 holes in the external genitalia. 😬 Not great. We’re taught so desperately little about our bodies and so discouraged from exploring them that we don’t even know what we’ve got going on down there! Understanding your own anatomy (and getting educated on your partner’s anatomy) can boost pleasure 1000x!! So take a mirror, use your hands, and get comfy exploring! 🪞🕵🏽‍♀️ And if you really want to get informed (and inspired 😉), head to our website for our basics on pleasure and anatomy. What do you think? Could YOU correctly label a diagram of what lies beneath?

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