Should I Talk to My S.O. About My Period?

How to introduce the subject without weirdness.

Something about periods can really scare people who’ve never had one. It’s a tricky subject, and pop culture–in which (most) depictions are wildly exaggerated–might have been their only source of information.

This can be a problem if you’re dating someone who doesn’t know what a period feels like or how to act around someone who’s currently shedding their uterine lining. They may have even been advised to “stay away” when it’s that time of the month.

The truth is your whole cycle (and not just your period) can have an effect on your physical and emotional well-being, and it’s important that you talk about it with your significant other.

If you’re dating someone who doesn’t menstruate, the following tips might help you ease into the subject, so they can understand you better and (hopefully!) pamper you when you need it the most.

1. Approach the subject naturally.

Do it in a casual environment so it doesn’t feel like a “big conversation.” Maybe mention you’re crampy and see where it takes you. Keep in mind that if you’re comfortable, they will be more comfortable too.

Remember that if you’re sexually active or planning on it, talking about your period is a very significant first step to get into the bigger subjects, like birth control. Besides, there’s nothing to be ashamed of! Your period is a natural and healthy process and getting it monthly(ish) means your body is doing its job.

2. Explain what it feels like–and why.

This means you have to understand your body and the reasons it behaves like it does. Before ovulation, when your estrogen and testosterone reach their highest levels, you’ll probably feel sexy, energetic, focused, and generally great. “Being hormonal” is not necessarily a bad thing!

On the other hand, your premenstrual week might come with mood swings, physical pain and discomfort, and an overall feeling of “blah” caused by super low estrogen and progesterone, and other hormone fluctuations around your period that can make your emotions run wild. Explaining this will make it easier for your partner to prepare with lots of patience, hugs, and comfort food–which everyone knows means less fighting, so it’s a win/win.

3. If your partner has questions, answer them.

You don’t have to be super detailed, especially at the beginning, but let them know you’re willing to clarify any concerns they might have. In most cases, your experience will be more important than the biological tidbits, so this is a great chance to help them understand what you go through and how your period affects you.

Though the thought of bringing up your period might sound daunting at first, the benefits of this particular conversation absolutely outweigh any weirdness.

A more open, honest, trusting relationship? Check!

Someone to cuddle with when cramps are making you miserable? Check!

The possibility of a monthly supply of ice cream? Check!

Kinda makes you wish you’d talked about it sooner, huh?

Hero image illustrated by Marcy Gooberman

This article was created in partnership with Knixteen and was originally published on the Knixteen blog.

Must be looooooove on the braaaaain 🧠. Or was that s£x? 👀🤭 Our brains are our largest s£x organs and sometimes they get a little sad, hyperactive, anxious, or overwhelmed. You won’t always be in the mood for s£x and that’s okay! Keep communication with your partner open and ongoing, check in with yourself and your mental health, and lean on the support of a trusted therapist or doctor if you need some extra guidance. 🫶🏽 Anything you would add?

I mean 😏

It is not wrong nor should it feel shameful to ✨seek pleasure.✨ I think those of us who grew up more religious were taught that you should always be in service of others and giving of yourself rather than concerned with our own needs or passions. While it is wonderful to be generous with giving (and can in fact be a source of pleasure), it should be equally encouraged to pursue your own pleasure — it whatever form it may take! It may feel self-indulgent, but why is that a bad thing? Pleasure boosts our mental health. It helps us cope with a difficult world, with anxiety, depression, and stress. It makes us feel good! It gives us something to look forward to. Pleasure helps us connect with others and with ourselves. Pleasure (as long as it is not at the expense of someone else’s safety or well-being) should be a priority, for our joy and for our health. It really is so important! Where do you find pleasure? I personally love a good massage… 💆🏽‍♀️

It’s time for a talk, friend. Let’s be clear, you nor your partner ever has to do *anything* you’re not comfortable with. That said, if it’s something you enjoy and that’s pleasurable to you, it’s okay to ask your partner for it! They can say no, but if they invalidate your pleasure, much less expect you to do something they won’t do?? The ball is then in your court to decide if this is the partner for you. You deserve someone who cares about and prioritizes your pleasure. Who is thrilled to be acquainted with your body, all of it! S-x can be vulnerable to talk about, but when you do…it’s so much better. 👅 included. Ask your partner what their hesitations are and have a *conversation.* Maybe they’re nervous, intimidated, or struggling with shame. Maybe they’re down to try other things you would enjoy and build up to it. The point is, it shouldn’t just be automatically dismissed. You can decide what’s right for you and what makes you feel aroused, validated, and appreciated. Whatever you do, don’t internalize their rejection. Your body is beautiful, desirable, and definitely worthy of pleasure. 😋🥰

A UK study published in the International Urogynecology Journal found that only 46% of participants correctly identified that a female has 3 holes in the external genitalia. 😬 Not great. We’re taught so desperately little about our bodies and so discouraged from exploring them that we don’t even know what we’ve got going on down there! Understanding your own anatomy (and getting educated on your partner’s anatomy) can boost pleasure 1000x!! So take a mirror, use your hands, and get comfy exploring! 🪞🕵🏽‍♀️ And if you really want to get informed (and inspired 😉), head to our website for our basics on pleasure and anatomy. What do you think? Could YOU correctly label a diagram of what lies beneath?

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