How to Take Care…Down There: Sexual Self-Care for Males

What does self-care look like for people with penises?

When people think of self-care, they mostly think of diet, exercise, mindfulness, etc., which are all incredibly important. But, there are many other parts of our body that need our attention. One of the most important in our opinion: the reproductive system. There are numerous ways to take care of ourselves in both the short-term and long-term, which as we know don’t always line up.

A great example of a form of self-care that accomplishes short-term care and long-term care for most people with penises is ejaculation. Most males enjoy the feeling of ejaculation, and usually the buildup to the ejaculation. Of course, if you don’t, that doesn’t make you any less of a “man.” As a bonus, it turns out that ejaculation is good for long-term health, as well! A Harvard study showed that men who ejaculated at least once a day in their 20s were less likely to develop prostate cancer later in life. The theory behind this idea is that ejaculation helps flush out some of the carcinogens that build up in the seminal fluid in the prostatic duct.

The tricky part can be ejaculating in a socially and emotionally healthy way. If you have a partner who likes to have sex every day, that’s awesome! But, you obviously should not force daily sexual acts on your partner for your own benefit. One of my patients inadvertently explained why partner sex isn’t your only option (for context, the patient is an 80-year-old woman from Philadelphia). She told our entire medical team, “Ladies, you need to take care of yourselves. The men can already take care of themselves; that’s what God gave them thumbs for.” Moral of the story: you can easily masturbate on your own. This should ideally take place in the bathroom or somewhere else private and never in front of someone if they don’t want that.

Back to sex for a sec. If you are going to have sex, you should wear protection. Some people think that condoms detract from sexual pleasure for you and them, and that may be true on a minuscule level, but we need to look back to long-term health goals. Let’s ignore babies for a moment, though keep in mind that you can impregnate a female during sexual intercourse even if you are a ‘master’ of the pull-out method. The real issue we will talk about is sexually transmitted infections, also known as STIs. These are caused by a vast number of viruses, bacteria, and fungi that can seriously affect your health for the rest of your life – and the rest of your partners’ lives. While STIs are treatable, you probably don’t want painful lesions on your genitals, penile cancer, or HIV. So, until you know that you and your partner are free of all STIs, and that you are truly monogamous, please wear protection, for your own health and well-being, and the health and well-being of others. We need to play the long game (pun intended).

Another important aspect of genital self-care is related to smegma. Besides having a hilarious name, it is also something easily dealt with to prevent irritation and potential tearing of the skin. This applies mostly to people with an uncircumcised penis, but anyone can be affected. Smegma is just a fancy way of describing oil and dead skin cells that accumulate on the skin of the penis. Gently pull the foreskin back to reach areas normally covered and lightly wash with warm soap and water all around. Be sure to bring the foreskin back over the tip of the penis. It’s healthy to be able to move the skin back and forth without it getting stuck in any position. If the foreskin gets stuck back (can’t get it to recover the tip of the penis), that is a medical emergency, and you should go to the Emergency Department.

Lastly, something that takes 30 seconds in the short-term but is amazing for long-term health is testicular self-exams. Trust me, it sounds more awkward than it is. It’s very important, especially for younger males because testicular cancer is most likely to develop between 20 and 40 years of age. So, every month, after a warm bath or shower, use your fingers to feel your testicles. They should be the same size and have the same texture. If you notice any lumps or are concerned about anything, make an appointment with your doctor,

Self-care comes in many forms. Don’t neglect your sexual self-care!

Header image illustrated by Marcy Gooberman

Must be looooooove on the braaaaain 🧠. Or was that s£x? 👀🤭 Our brains are our largest s£x organs and sometimes they get a little sad, hyperactive, anxious, or overwhelmed. You won’t always be in the mood for s£x and that’s okay! Keep communication with your partner open and ongoing, check in with yourself and your mental health, and lean on the support of a trusted therapist or doctor if you need some extra guidance. 🫶🏽 Anything you would add?

I mean 😏

It is not wrong nor should it feel shameful to ✨seek pleasure.✨ I think those of us who grew up more religious were taught that you should always be in service of others and giving of yourself rather than concerned with our own needs or passions. While it is wonderful to be generous with giving (and can in fact be a source of pleasure), it should be equally encouraged to pursue your own pleasure — it whatever form it may take! It may feel self-indulgent, but why is that a bad thing? Pleasure boosts our mental health. It helps us cope with a difficult world, with anxiety, depression, and stress. It makes us feel good! It gives us something to look forward to. Pleasure helps us connect with others and with ourselves. Pleasure (as long as it is not at the expense of someone else’s safety or well-being) should be a priority, for our joy and for our health. It really is so important! Where do you find pleasure? I personally love a good massage… 💆🏽‍♀️

It’s time for a talk, friend. Let’s be clear, you nor your partner ever has to do *anything* you’re not comfortable with. That said, if it’s something you enjoy and that’s pleasurable to you, it’s okay to ask your partner for it! They can say no, but if they invalidate your pleasure, much less expect you to do something they won’t do?? The ball is then in your court to decide if this is the partner for you. You deserve someone who cares about and prioritizes your pleasure. Who is thrilled to be acquainted with your body, all of it! S-x can be vulnerable to talk about, but when you do…it’s so much better. 👅 included. Ask your partner what their hesitations are and have a *conversation.* Maybe they’re nervous, intimidated, or struggling with shame. Maybe they’re down to try other things you would enjoy and build up to it. The point is, it shouldn’t just be automatically dismissed. You can decide what’s right for you and what makes you feel aroused, validated, and appreciated. Whatever you do, don’t internalize their rejection. Your body is beautiful, desirable, and definitely worthy of pleasure. 😋🥰

A UK study published in the International Urogynecology Journal found that only 46% of participants correctly identified that a female has 3 holes in the external genitalia. 😬 Not great. We’re taught so desperately little about our bodies and so discouraged from exploring them that we don’t even know what we’ve got going on down there! Understanding your own anatomy (and getting educated on your partner’s anatomy) can boost pleasure 1000x!! So take a mirror, use your hands, and get comfy exploring! 🪞🕵🏽‍♀️ And if you really want to get informed (and inspired 😉), head to our website for our basics on pleasure and anatomy. What do you think? Could YOU correctly label a diagram of what lies beneath?

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