Getting a Copper IUD Part 1: Choosing Birth Control

When condoms and Plan B won’t cut it anymore. Why I opted for the copper IUD.

In college (which ended just ten months ago), I was diagnosed with manic depression. I will spare you the details, but long story short, a mood stabilizer quite literally saved my life in September 2016. That mood stabilizer was and still is Lamictal.

The first time I had sex preceded this diagnosis by about five months, but I had not given birth control a single thought because at the time, I was in a monogamous relationship with a man who was new enough at sex to not try to weasel his way out of wearing a condom and birth control terrified me no thanks to my immersion in abstinence-only sex education and religious purity culture.

After this relationship came to a close, however, I found myself occasionally acquiescing, ignoring my discomfort, and making phone calls that opened with, “Uh, did we use a condom last night”?

When straight cis men have sex with straight cis women, the former party all but assumes the latter is on birth control, and this assumption is typically revealed after the unprotected deed is done. My sexual partners always looked at me like I was the most irresponsible being to ever walk the planet when my reality flew in the face of their assumption. I was left scrambling to justify myself, while they bitched and moaned at the mere suggestion of using a condom. (This is barring how they seemed to think that STIs were a moot point.)

Over time, I learned how to be a stickler about condom usage, but in the beginning, I didn’t know how to respond to a sexual encounter that just kind of … began. There was no discussion about protection, and by the time I had given it a thought, it was too late. Ah, the vagaries of consent that exist when education about the extent of consent does not.

After the second (third?) Plan B, I came to the conclusion that it was time to start taking birth control, but alas, hormonal birth control was a risk for me because 1) the combined pills would interact with my mood stabilizer and 2) the progestin-only pills would cause an asthmatic reaction because of my Aspirin-Exacerbated Respiratory Disease.

I wasn’t willing to risk the efficacy of either my birth control or mood stabilizer, and I certainly couldn’t subject myself to possible asthma attacks. All the interactions and risks of other hormonal methods were up in the air. I didn’t appreciate the ambiguity of effects of the non-pill options. I was (am) the poster child for “not a great candidate for hormonal birth control.”

Enter: ParaGard—“an Intrauterine Device (IUD) Copper T 380A that is,” per Very Well Health, “a small, ’T-shaped’ contraceptive device, about 1-1/4 inches wide by 1-3/8 inches long, made of flexible plastic and wrapped in copper” that “helps prevent sperm from joining with an egg by interfering with the movement of the sperm toward the egg. It is also believed the ParaGard IUD causes changes in the lining of the uterus that reduce the likelihood of implantation. ParaGuard provides pregnancy prevention immediately after it is inserted.”

I oscillated between excitement and sheer terror for over a year before I seriously began trying to schedule an appointment to have an IUD placed. I did rational research on the Planned Parenthood website and also perused alarmist forums with copper IUD horror stories.

I do not want to invalidate those women’s experiences. I’m sure that most are real and genuine; however, the abstinence-only and/or anti-choice community masks its agenda with “exposés” on the alleged dangers of reproductive health measures. Its members play on women’s fear, internalized shame, and, in some cases, ignorance to paint a healthy choice as anything but. Shackling women to their reproductive systems is a surefire way to ensure they never have complete autonomy or agency. Demonizing birth control to potential users on the Internet is a good place to start.

Before my severe anxiety was alleviated, these horror stories proved effective in keeping me from actively pursuing birth control, but by the FIFTH Plan B, I cracked, which, admittedly, was extremely overdue.

I was tired of feeling—and sometimes being—out of control of preventing pregnancy. Condoms are effective, yes, but I had grown less than trusting of my and my sexual partners’ realistic ability to use them correctly 100% of the time. While I knew condoms would still be necessary for protection from STIs, I wanted to take the guesswork of pregnancy prevention out of the equation. I wanted to practice what I preached about sexual health. In my initial naivety, I did not think about how I was jeopardizing my health, but the weight grew heavier as it became increasingly clear that, yes, the negative consequences of unprotected sex could happen to me. No one is exempt from the risks.

Was I reverting back to my abstinence-only upbringing? Certainly not. But everything from driving a car to using an oven has risks. Most activities have necessary safety precautions. Choosing not to participate isn’t realistic, but choosing to participate safely is.

Continue: Getting a Copper IUD Part 2: The Procedure

Header image illustrated by Marcy Gooberman

Must be looooooove on the braaaaain 🧠. Or was that s£x? 👀🤭 Our brains are our largest s£x organs and sometimes they get a little sad, hyperactive, anxious, or overwhelmed. You won’t always be in the mood for s£x and that’s okay! Keep communication with your partner open and ongoing, check in with yourself and your mental health, and lean on the support of a trusted therapist or doctor if you need some extra guidance. 🫶🏽 Anything you would add?

I mean 😏

It is not wrong nor should it feel shameful to ✨seek pleasure.✨ I think those of us who grew up more religious were taught that you should always be in service of others and giving of yourself rather than concerned with our own needs or passions. While it is wonderful to be generous with giving (and can in fact be a source of pleasure), it should be equally encouraged to pursue your own pleasure — it whatever form it may take! It may feel self-indulgent, but why is that a bad thing? Pleasure boosts our mental health. It helps us cope with a difficult world, with anxiety, depression, and stress. It makes us feel good! It gives us something to look forward to. Pleasure helps us connect with others and with ourselves. Pleasure (as long as it is not at the expense of someone else’s safety or well-being) should be a priority, for our joy and for our health. It really is so important! Where do you find pleasure? I personally love a good massage… 💆🏽‍♀️

It’s time for a talk, friend. Let’s be clear, you nor your partner ever has to do *anything* you’re not comfortable with. That said, if it’s something you enjoy and that’s pleasurable to you, it’s okay to ask your partner for it! They can say no, but if they invalidate your pleasure, much less expect you to do something they won’t do?? The ball is then in your court to decide if this is the partner for you. You deserve someone who cares about and prioritizes your pleasure. Who is thrilled to be acquainted with your body, all of it! S-x can be vulnerable to talk about, but when you do…it’s so much better. 👅 included. Ask your partner what their hesitations are and have a *conversation.* Maybe they’re nervous, intimidated, or struggling with shame. Maybe they’re down to try other things you would enjoy and build up to it. The point is, it shouldn’t just be automatically dismissed. You can decide what’s right for you and what makes you feel aroused, validated, and appreciated. Whatever you do, don’t internalize their rejection. Your body is beautiful, desirable, and definitely worthy of pleasure. 😋🥰

A UK study published in the International Urogynecology Journal found that only 46% of participants correctly identified that a female has 3 holes in the external genitalia. 😬 Not great. We’re taught so desperately little about our bodies and so discouraged from exploring them that we don’t even know what we’ve got going on down there! Understanding your own anatomy (and getting educated on your partner’s anatomy) can boost pleasure 1000x!! So take a mirror, use your hands, and get comfy exploring! 🪞🕵🏽‍♀️ And if you really want to get informed (and inspired 😉), head to our website for our basics on pleasure and anatomy. What do you think? Could YOU correctly label a diagram of what lies beneath?

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