Let’s Talk About Sex (But Actually)

A call to action for comprehensive sexuality education and open conversations about sex.

There is no shortage of sex depicted in the media. Allusions to sex are pervasive across our music, movies, and certainly our advertising. While we may see, and even think, a lot about sex, it seems we don’t know how to actually talk about it.

The fact remains that in the United States, only 24 states and the District of Columbia mandate sex education. In fact, more states require that sex education should be abstinence-based than medically accurate (37 states vs. 13 states). [1] With an emphasis on not having sex and an outright acceptance of misinformation, how do we expect young people to navigate and engage in safe and healthy sex and relationships?

A clear representation of the fashion and beauty brand…

Sadly, misguided representations of sex in our media, porn, and schools often lead to vulnerability, internalized shame, confusion, and uninformed decision-making. The CDC reports that 37.4% of female rape victims were first raped between the ages of 18–24, and 42.2% of female rape victims were first raped before age 18. [2] When we aren’t addressing topics such as consent, boundaries, and healthy communication, we are choosing to ignore sexual violence, which in turn, promotes a culture that vilifies, rather than supports, survivors of sexual assault.

Furthermore, due to a lack of information and an abundance of stigmas surrounding sexual health management, it really isn’t any wonder that 15–24 year olds account for half of the 20 million new sexually transmitted infections that occur in the United States each year. [3] While it may be unsurprising given the current cultural attitudes toward sex that allow the perpetuation of opinions over facts, it is undeniably alarming and dangerous from a public health standpoint.

We need to do better to teach our young people how to stay safe and empower them to take control of their sexual health.

So, what exactly is sexual health?

Well, for one, it extends far beyond birth control and STIs. The World Health Organization defines sexual health as, “a state of physical, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality. It requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence.” [4] It is important to note that sexual health encompasses mental, emotional, and physical wellness. It also involves topics unrelated to sex specifically, such as menstruation, healthy relationships, and gender identity. With all of these factors at play, it is critical for adolescents to approach sexual health free from shame and ignorance. If we want to make smart decisions, we need to be better informed on the drivers behind our desires and the outcome of our choices.

tabú was created to challenge the stigmas that contribute to negative attitudes toward sex. We aim to leverage education and community to strip down the societal constructs we have built around us. We all deserve to better understand our bodies, what brings us pleasure (not just sexual), and how we can make decisions that best reflect our physical, emotional, and mental needs. We need to actually talk about sex. So let’s get the conversation started!

And for your entertainment, John Oliver’s overview of sex ed and how it is taught (differently) across the US:

SOURCES:

1. Sex and HIV Education | Guttmacher Institute

2. Sexual Violence | CDC

3. Adolescents and Young Adults | CDC

4. Sexual Health | WHO

Header image illustrated by Marcy Gooberman

This article was originally published on Medium.

Must be looooooove on the braaaaain 🧠. Or was that s£x? 👀🤭 Our brains are our largest s£x organs and sometimes they get a little sad, hyperactive, anxious, or overwhelmed. You won’t always be in the mood for s£x and that’s okay! Keep communication with your partner open and ongoing, check in with yourself and your mental health, and lean on the support of a trusted therapist or doctor if you need some extra guidance. 🫶🏽 Anything you would add?

I mean 😏

It is not wrong nor should it feel shameful to ✨seek pleasure.✨ I think those of us who grew up more religious were taught that you should always be in service of others and giving of yourself rather than concerned with our own needs or passions. While it is wonderful to be generous with giving (and can in fact be a source of pleasure), it should be equally encouraged to pursue your own pleasure — it whatever form it may take! It may feel self-indulgent, but why is that a bad thing? Pleasure boosts our mental health. It helps us cope with a difficult world, with anxiety, depression, and stress. It makes us feel good! It gives us something to look forward to. Pleasure helps us connect with others and with ourselves. Pleasure (as long as it is not at the expense of someone else’s safety or well-being) should be a priority, for our joy and for our health. It really is so important! Where do you find pleasure? I personally love a good massage… 💆🏽‍♀️

It’s time for a talk, friend. Let’s be clear, you nor your partner ever has to do *anything* you’re not comfortable with. That said, if it’s something you enjoy and that’s pleasurable to you, it’s okay to ask your partner for it! They can say no, but if they invalidate your pleasure, much less expect you to do something they won’t do?? The ball is then in your court to decide if this is the partner for you. You deserve someone who cares about and prioritizes your pleasure. Who is thrilled to be acquainted with your body, all of it! S-x can be vulnerable to talk about, but when you do…it’s so much better. 👅 included. Ask your partner what their hesitations are and have a *conversation.* Maybe they’re nervous, intimidated, or struggling with shame. Maybe they’re down to try other things you would enjoy and build up to it. The point is, it shouldn’t just be automatically dismissed. You can decide what’s right for you and what makes you feel aroused, validated, and appreciated. Whatever you do, don’t internalize their rejection. Your body is beautiful, desirable, and definitely worthy of pleasure. 😋🥰

A UK study published in the International Urogynecology Journal found that only 46% of participants correctly identified that a female has 3 holes in the external genitalia. 😬 Not great. We’re taught so desperately little about our bodies and so discouraged from exploring them that we don’t even know what we’ve got going on down there! Understanding your own anatomy (and getting educated on your partner’s anatomy) can boost pleasure 1000x!! So take a mirror, use your hands, and get comfy exploring! 🪞🕵🏽‍♀️ And if you really want to get informed (and inspired 😉), head to our website for our basics on pleasure and anatomy. What do you think? Could YOU correctly label a diagram of what lies beneath?

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