Janet Lieberman is Designing the Future of Pleasure

This entrepreneur is creating the ergonomic toys for sex you never knew you needed.

When you picture a sex toy, what comes to mind? Perhaps, the Sex and the City-made-popular rabbit or everyone’s favorite “back massager,” the wand (also seen in Sex and the City). But would you ever picture something you could wear between your fingers or something that could actually stay in comfortably during penetrative sex? Well, you can stop using your imagination because there’s a company on the market that creates what they refer to as “toys for sex,” and these toys are sophisticated, yet playful, and designed based on extensive research for ultimate pleasure and comfort. The company is called Dame Products, and fun fact: their product Fin was the first-ever sex toy on Kickstarter (and raised nearly $400K on the platform!). The brilliant founders and sexual wellness warriors behind Dame are Janet Lieberman, an MIT-educated engineer, and Alex Fine, a credentialed sexologist who attended Columbia and WashU. We chat with Janet below!

Let’s talk about Dame. What landed you in the wonderful world of sex toys?

I was working as a mechanical engineer designing products when I had an epiphany – sex toys were consumer product, but they weren’t developed, made, or marketed at the level of other consumer products.

What makes Dame different than other brands on the market?

I think we’re a really unique brand, but then, of course, I’m biased. Everything we do, from marketing to product development comes from real wants and needs. We try to be a brand that people from different backgrounds can come to, and feel like this is a safe place for them. We develop our products in house, using feedback from surveys and prototype testers from our Dame Labs community to drive our design. I don’t think that anyone in the space puts the work that we do into user testing, or has quite the same voice as we have.

“Our mission is to make the world a happier place, one vagina at a time.”

Fin, a vibrator worn between the fingers | SOURCE: Dame Products

Do you like the term “sex toys” or do you have another term you prefer?

We often use “toys for sex,” but we don’t have an issue with “sex toys.” I think it’s important not to be euphemistic in your language, but I also think there’s a lot of valid terms for the category, because there’s so many ways that people use them. They can be pleasure objects, marital aids, or adult products. On the one hand, they’re not “novelties” – they’re products that make people’s lives better, so there can be an urge to give them a more serious moniker than “toys.”  But, we also try to combat pleasure erasure – the concept that there has to be some other goal (health, orgasm, etc) besides pleasure to validate the products. They’re about increasing pleasure, so “toys” seems accurate.

Can you tell me more about the intention behind your design decisions (color palette, shapes, etc.)?

A lot of our design is about making the person looking at it comfortable. Sex is messy and complicated, and there’s all sorts of baggage and backgrounds. So from ergonomic shapes to the waves that show up throughout our graphics, we try to keep things feeling human and organic. It isn’t always the prettiest or sleekest, but that’s part of what can make it inviting or approachable. Intimacy is a focus in our design – we’re heavily focused on ergonomics, so that we can make products that blend into the experience without becoming the second or third person in the room. We don’t avoid the feminine, but we like to target womanly over girly.

You have brilliant articles on your site ranging from The Shame Around STIstoMerging Wellness and Masturbation. What role does content play in your business and mission? Do you have a favorite article?

Our mission is to make the world a happier place, one vagina at a time. We want to do that by being a resource, not just for products, but also for information. We’re big believers in nuance and respecting sexual variety, so we try to reflect that in our blog. Some of our posts are about trying to provide accurate information, like the one I wrote about sex toy material safety, after reading one too many guides that were full of misinformation. But some of my favorites are ones that shine a light on things that affect millions of people, but no one seems to want to talk about, like our two part series on Sex and Disability.

Any tips for people who might be nervous or embarrassed to bring sex toys into the bedroom?

I find comfort in statistics. A 2009 study showed that 52% of women and 45% of men in the US had used vibrators, and that was 10 years ago. Using a vibrator is nothing that most people would judge you for. They’re wonderful tools, but they’re not cure-alls for all of your sexual and relationship issues. If you want to try them; try them – you’re in good company. If you don’t, that’s fine, too. But they are, by definition, mainstream.

What is your number one tip for building sexual confidence?

I think it’s good to remember that there is no normal. Nothing is universally sexy or unsexy. Whatever it is that you’re into, most people aren’t but tons of people are. No one is everyone’s sexual ideal; everyone is someone’s, as long as you can own the person who’s in your skin.

How do you maintain your mental health as an entrepreneur?

There’s an inherent assumption there that my mental health is maintained! For me, the key is to let myself have time with my brain off. I watch a lot of TV to unwind. I try not to drive myself crazy about the things that don’t get done. And I try to spend one day a week in bed to recharge.

Images edited by Leonor Carvalho | SOURCE: Dame Products

To learn more about Dame Products and snag a cool new toy for sex, be sure to check out their site!

Must be looooooove on the braaaaain 🧠. Or was that s£x? 👀🤭 Our brains are our largest s£x organs and sometimes they get a little sad, hyperactive, anxious, or overwhelmed. You won’t always be in the mood for s£x and that’s okay! Keep communication with your partner open and ongoing, check in with yourself and your mental health, and lean on the support of a trusted therapist or doctor if you need some extra guidance. 🫶🏽 Anything you would add?

I mean 😏

It is not wrong nor should it feel shameful to ✨seek pleasure.✨ I think those of us who grew up more religious were taught that you should always be in service of others and giving of yourself rather than concerned with our own needs or passions. While it is wonderful to be generous with giving (and can in fact be a source of pleasure), it should be equally encouraged to pursue your own pleasure — it whatever form it may take! It may feel self-indulgent, but why is that a bad thing? Pleasure boosts our mental health. It helps us cope with a difficult world, with anxiety, depression, and stress. It makes us feel good! It gives us something to look forward to. Pleasure helps us connect with others and with ourselves. Pleasure (as long as it is not at the expense of someone else’s safety or well-being) should be a priority, for our joy and for our health. It really is so important! Where do you find pleasure? I personally love a good massage… 💆🏽‍♀️

It’s time for a talk, friend. Let’s be clear, you nor your partner ever has to do *anything* you’re not comfortable with. That said, if it’s something you enjoy and that’s pleasurable to you, it’s okay to ask your partner for it! They can say no, but if they invalidate your pleasure, much less expect you to do something they won’t do?? The ball is then in your court to decide if this is the partner for you. You deserve someone who cares about and prioritizes your pleasure. Who is thrilled to be acquainted with your body, all of it! S-x can be vulnerable to talk about, but when you do…it’s so much better. 👅 included. Ask your partner what their hesitations are and have a *conversation.* Maybe they’re nervous, intimidated, or struggling with shame. Maybe they’re down to try other things you would enjoy and build up to it. The point is, it shouldn’t just be automatically dismissed. You can decide what’s right for you and what makes you feel aroused, validated, and appreciated. Whatever you do, don’t internalize their rejection. Your body is beautiful, desirable, and definitely worthy of pleasure. 😋🥰

A UK study published in the International Urogynecology Journal found that only 46% of participants correctly identified that a female has 3 holes in the external genitalia. 😬 Not great. We’re taught so desperately little about our bodies and so discouraged from exploring them that we don’t even know what we’ve got going on down there! Understanding your own anatomy (and getting educated on your partner’s anatomy) can boost pleasure 1000x!! So take a mirror, use your hands, and get comfy exploring! 🪞🕵🏽‍♀️ And if you really want to get informed (and inspired 😉), head to our website for our basics on pleasure and anatomy. What do you think? Could YOU correctly label a diagram of what lies beneath?

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