The Pleasure-Based Self-Care Tool for Every Nightstand

Vibrators: Providing a healthy, natural, and safe way to practice self-care and improve your health.

This article was created in partnership with Sweet Vibrations.

When I think of the term “sexual self-care,” there’s a lot that comes to mind. I think of times when I’m stressed out with work and school and need a release of endorphins. I think of the times when I’m traveling alone on vacation and want to mentally escape into my wildest fantasies. Self-care in a sexual sense is about fulfilling my basic desires as a human being and having a deeper, mental connection to my body.I’ve found that there’s no better way to do this than through masturbation, and better yet, masturbation with sex toys.

I won’t even lie. The mere thought of using a vibrator used to overwhelm me. Any time I walked into a sex toy store, I’d see a huge vibrator on display with multiple parts and automatically feel like there was too much going on to even bother using it. Besides, buying a vibrator isn’t like shopping for a cute outfit to wear at a party or special holiday event. You can’t just take it to the dressing room, test it out, and decide if it’s right for you.

Samantha attempting to return her vibrator aka “neck massager” in Sex and the City

So, why masturbate with sex toys at all?

For starters, masturbation is the safest form a sex one can have. You can’t get pregnant or contract any sexually transmitted infections from pleasuring yourself. There are also many health benefits associated with masturbation. Rachel Hoffman, LCSW, a clinical social worker who specializes in sex and intimacy, explained to me, “Masturbation can increase endorphins, promote blood flow, reduce stress and promote better sleep. Masturbation can also aid in the treatment of some sexual dysfunctions. Lastly, it feels good, is pleasurable, and can lead to an all-around more positive mood.”

There are many pros to masturbation in general and sex toys are an option to enhance and diversify the experience. Toys can spice things up and make masturbation less of a monotonous ritual and more of an exploration of the lengths your bodily pleasure can go. The different types of toys also provide the benefit of helping you get to know your body and what sensations you enjoy.

Can I use sex toys with a partner?

Vibrators and other sex toys aren’t just for solo play. Sure, self-care is about focusing on you, but it doesn’t have to be limited to activities you do by yourself. It can also be utilized during sex acts with other people. To incorporate vibrators during partnered play, Hoffman advised, “They or their partner can hold the vibrator during sex (oral, anal, or vaginal) at the location where they feel most pleasure. For example, during oral sex, a vibrator could be used to stimulate the clitoris. If you are unsure where you or your partner feel pleasure in regards to using a vibrator, try an exercise where you take turns massaging the other, incorporating a vibrator at various points. Make sure to communicate throughout to determine what areas are most pleasurable.” Sexual self-care creates the space for you to tell your partner that you want to incorporate sex toys so you can explore yourself while they’re exploring you and ultimately maximize your mutual pleasure to the highest peak.

Sweet Vibrations tuLips illustrated by Leonor Carvalho 

How should I choose a vibrator?

When it comes to deciding on a sex toy, vibrators are a great place to start. Hoffman pointed out that the “right” first vibrator depends on the individual, whether or not they’re in a relationship, and whether they find more pleasure from clitoral or G-spot stimulation. “I recommend the tuLips from Sweet Vibrations as a first vibrator, particularly if someone is nervous and is unsure what they are looking for. They are small, simple, inexpensive, and get the job done,” she shared. “If [the individual] wants more of a dildo-type vibrator, I love MysteryVibe and Lioness. The WeVibe is great for long-distance relationships as well.”

My vibrator experience:

I took note of Hoffman’s recommendation and decided to try thePixie and tuLips vibrators from Sweet Vibrations. These would be the first vibrators I have ever used and writing this article was the perfect excuse (not that I needed one). What initially appealed to me was that they were straight-forward and easy to understand; I didn’t need to look at the instructions in order to figure out how they worked. This was especially important to me considering I was a sex toy novice.

So, what did I think?

I enjoyed the different speeds and motions both the Pixie and tuLips provided because they were so unique. Some of the speeds were a powerful sensation ideal for rubbing the labia and other speeds were perfect for teasing in terms of clitoral stimulation. tuLips especially has a distinctive design that allows for a snug feel by slightly pinching the tips of the vibrator against the clitoris.

Also, as someone who travels a lot, often the only things I have with me are my carry-on duffel bag and purse rather than a large suitcase. Recently I decided to pack the vibrators in my carry-on bag and I was afraid that they’d be a problem when getting through airport security. Luckily, the TuLips and Pixie vibrators weren’t an issue for me considering their hand-held size and power lock feature so that it doesn’t turn on during airport security.

Sweet Vibrations Girl’s Best Friend illustrated by Leonor Carvalho

The biggest plus of all is that they’re sold at an affordable price range. Let’s be real. Vibrators are cool, but nobody wants to pay an arm and a leg for one. Sweet Vibrations even includes a complimentary lifetime warranty on all of their products.

Now that I’ve gotten a new perspective on sex toys, I’m excited to explore my desires in new ways. I want my orgasms to reach their highest sensations whether that’s through using vibrators after a long, stressful day, setting aside some time just for exploration purposes, or incorporating them into foreplay with my boyfriend. Sexual-self care is a journey and the more I understand about my sexual preferences, the better I’ll be able to take control of the pleasure that my body deserves.

IN PARTNERSHIP WITH

To learn more about getting started with sex toys, check out tabú’s Guide to Sex Toys!

Illustrations by Leonor Carvalho

Must be looooooove on the braaaaain 🧠. Or was that s£x? 👀🤭 Our brains are our largest s£x organs and sometimes they get a little sad, hyperactive, anxious, or overwhelmed. You won’t always be in the mood for s£x and that’s okay! Keep communication with your partner open and ongoing, check in with yourself and your mental health, and lean on the support of a trusted therapist or doctor if you need some extra guidance. 🫶🏽 Anything you would add?

I mean 😏

It is not wrong nor should it feel shameful to ✨seek pleasure.✨ I think those of us who grew up more religious were taught that you should always be in service of others and giving of yourself rather than concerned with our own needs or passions. While it is wonderful to be generous with giving (and can in fact be a source of pleasure), it should be equally encouraged to pursue your own pleasure — it whatever form it may take! It may feel self-indulgent, but why is that a bad thing? Pleasure boosts our mental health. It helps us cope with a difficult world, with anxiety, depression, and stress. It makes us feel good! It gives us something to look forward to. Pleasure helps us connect with others and with ourselves. Pleasure (as long as it is not at the expense of someone else’s safety or well-being) should be a priority, for our joy and for our health. It really is so important! Where do you find pleasure? I personally love a good massage… 💆🏽‍♀️

It’s time for a talk, friend. Let’s be clear, you nor your partner ever has to do *anything* you’re not comfortable with. That said, if it’s something you enjoy and that’s pleasurable to you, it’s okay to ask your partner for it! They can say no, but if they invalidate your pleasure, much less expect you to do something they won’t do?? The ball is then in your court to decide if this is the partner for you. You deserve someone who cares about and prioritizes your pleasure. Who is thrilled to be acquainted with your body, all of it! S-x can be vulnerable to talk about, but when you do…it’s so much better. 👅 included. Ask your partner what their hesitations are and have a *conversation.* Maybe they’re nervous, intimidated, or struggling with shame. Maybe they’re down to try other things you would enjoy and build up to it. The point is, it shouldn’t just be automatically dismissed. You can decide what’s right for you and what makes you feel aroused, validated, and appreciated. Whatever you do, don’t internalize their rejection. Your body is beautiful, desirable, and definitely worthy of pleasure. 😋🥰

A UK study published in the International Urogynecology Journal found that only 46% of participants correctly identified that a female has 3 holes in the external genitalia. 😬 Not great. We’re taught so desperately little about our bodies and so discouraged from exploring them that we don’t even know what we’ve got going on down there! Understanding your own anatomy (and getting educated on your partner’s anatomy) can boost pleasure 1000x!! So take a mirror, use your hands, and get comfy exploring! 🪞🕵🏽‍♀️ And if you really want to get informed (and inspired 😉), head to our website for our basics on pleasure and anatomy. What do you think? Could YOU correctly label a diagram of what lies beneath?

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