5 Steps to Prepare for Your First Therapy Session and Find the Right Therapist

How to approach your first therapy session and determine if you’ve found the right therapist.

You’ve decided to go to therapy! Even better, you’ve identified a therapist you’re interested in and have set up an appointment. Now, how can you get the most out of your first session?

Here are some tips that can help you feel more prepared.

1. Identify Your Therapy Goals

Before your first session, give yourself some time to reflect on what you’d like to accomplish in therapy. Why did you decide that now is an important time to begin therapy? What do you hope to achieve in therapy?

For some people, goals may be specific, measurable changes in daily life. For example, perhaps you’d like to learn coping techniques that will result in you experiencing fewer panic attacks. For others, goals can be more abstract. You may want therapy to provide an intentional space for reflection and for building self-awareness around your thoughts and emotions. Being able to communicate your intentions will help your therapist in choosing an approach that will support your goals.

2. Ask Your Therapist Questions

What do you need to know about your therapist and about treatment to feel comfortable beginning work with this person? You may want to ask your therapist what treatment for you will look like and how long they tend to work with clients. You may have questions about their approach to therapy. You may simply want to let them know that you feel a little anxious about beginning therapy. Don’t be afraid to ask questions or share information that you feel is important.

3. Assess the Connection with Your Therapist

The connection between you and your therapist is arguably the most important component of therapy. You deserve to feel supported and well-regarded by your therapist. Sure, a therapist will likely challenge you to step outside of your comfort zone during the course of therapy, but you should feel safe and encouraged by them in those moments.

Finding this connection can be a tricky element of therapy. Similar to going on a first date with someone you met on a dating app, you may find that the person who looked great on paper doesn’t actually click with you in real life. Luckily, you only need one session of therapy to tell whether a therapist is going to be a good fit.

Check in with yourself as you leave the session. Did you feel that the conversation flowed? Did you feel acknowledged and understood by the therapist? Are they someone you’d enjoy sitting down with and talking to again? If the answer to any of these questions is no, look for someone else.

4. Assess Your Therapist’s Approach

Once you’ve established that you and your therapist have a positive connection, you can decide whether you feel that their approach to therapy will work for you. Every therapist will conduct therapy in a slightly different way. Some will be very direct and give advice. Some will speak less often and rarely offer guidance. Some will be firm and authoritative while others will be gentle. Some therapists may focus a lot on your childhood and your family. Others may be very solution-oriented and will focus on the future.

Think about what approach works best for your personality and goals. If you are very action-oriented, you may enjoy a directive therapist. However, this style could feel imposing to someone who wants a more relaxed space to talk.

It can be helpful to combine your observations of their approach in session with concrete information about their therapy philosophy. You can ask your therapist questions to get a clearer picture. Here are some questions that can help:

• What type of therapy do you practice?

• What does a typical session look like?

• How do you know when progress is being made?

• How do you know when someone is done with therapy?

5. Trust Yourself

If you find yourself feeling disappointed, uneasy, or ambivalent after the first therapy session, remind yourself that this is normal. It can take awhile to find the right therapist. You are doing yourself a favor by checking in with your feelings and not sticking with someone who didn’t quite get you.

Remember that as the client in therapy, you have the control. The first session is a chance for you to evaluate whether this therapist will be a good fit for you. You get to commit to therapy when you’ve found a person that makes you feel safe to open up. Wait for that therapist whose office you leave feeling a little lighter and a little more hopeful.

Looking for a sex therapist and don’t know where to begin? Check out this guide!

Header image illustrated by Marcy Gooberman

Must be looooooove on the braaaaain 🧠. Or was that s£x? 👀🤭 Our brains are our largest s£x organs and sometimes they get a little sad, hyperactive, anxious, or overwhelmed. You won’t always be in the mood for s£x and that’s okay! Keep communication with your partner open and ongoing, check in with yourself and your mental health, and lean on the support of a trusted therapist or doctor if you need some extra guidance. 🫶🏽 Anything you would add?

I mean 😏

It is not wrong nor should it feel shameful to ✨seek pleasure.✨ I think those of us who grew up more religious were taught that you should always be in service of others and giving of yourself rather than concerned with our own needs or passions. While it is wonderful to be generous with giving (and can in fact be a source of pleasure), it should be equally encouraged to pursue your own pleasure — it whatever form it may take! It may feel self-indulgent, but why is that a bad thing? Pleasure boosts our mental health. It helps us cope with a difficult world, with anxiety, depression, and stress. It makes us feel good! It gives us something to look forward to. Pleasure helps us connect with others and with ourselves. Pleasure (as long as it is not at the expense of someone else’s safety or well-being) should be a priority, for our joy and for our health. It really is so important! Where do you find pleasure? I personally love a good massage… 💆🏽‍♀️

It’s time for a talk, friend. Let’s be clear, you nor your partner ever has to do *anything* you’re not comfortable with. That said, if it’s something you enjoy and that’s pleasurable to you, it’s okay to ask your partner for it! They can say no, but if they invalidate your pleasure, much less expect you to do something they won’t do?? The ball is then in your court to decide if this is the partner for you. You deserve someone who cares about and prioritizes your pleasure. Who is thrilled to be acquainted with your body, all of it! S-x can be vulnerable to talk about, but when you do…it’s so much better. 👅 included. Ask your partner what their hesitations are and have a *conversation.* Maybe they’re nervous, intimidated, or struggling with shame. Maybe they’re down to try other things you would enjoy and build up to it. The point is, it shouldn’t just be automatically dismissed. You can decide what’s right for you and what makes you feel aroused, validated, and appreciated. Whatever you do, don’t internalize their rejection. Your body is beautiful, desirable, and definitely worthy of pleasure. 😋🥰

A UK study published in the International Urogynecology Journal found that only 46% of participants correctly identified that a female has 3 holes in the external genitalia. 😬 Not great. We’re taught so desperately little about our bodies and so discouraged from exploring them that we don’t even know what we’ve got going on down there! Understanding your own anatomy (and getting educated on your partner’s anatomy) can boost pleasure 1000x!! So take a mirror, use your hands, and get comfy exploring! 🪞🕵🏽‍♀️ And if you really want to get informed (and inspired 😉), head to our website for our basics on pleasure and anatomy. What do you think? Could YOU correctly label a diagram of what lies beneath?

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