The Five Things You Should Buy Yourself After a Breakup

#treatyoself

Breakups are tough. I got out of a four-year relationship a few months ago and it’s been a bit of an emotional roller coaster since. No matter how ready your rational brain is to move on, when you go from spending every day with someone to suddenly extracting them from your life, it’s difficult. There are moments when you feel really excited about your independent, filled-with-possibilities future, and others where you find yourself randomly crying in public, staring at your ex-bae’s Instagram.

…and that’s all before a morning cup of coffee — at least, for me.

But don’t worry, we’re in this together. One of the best parts about newfound singledom is the ability to focus on yourself more. As I’ve gone through my post-breakup phases (dramatic haircut coming soon), my favorite stage has been viewing myself as a bigger investment. You have more time, money, and energy to spend on yourself now. So, let’s cash in on it. Here are the five things you should buy yourself post-breakup.

1. A vibrator

One of the most difficult parts of ending a relationship is going from 100 to zero…orgasms. When my BF and I broke up, I had a brief panic attack about the next time I would have an orgasm, followed by where I was going to move since we lived together (lol). Buying a vibrator completely fixed that problem and even made me forget about some of my others! When your eyes are rolling to the back of your head, there’s no time to worry about your maxed-out credit card or overflowing trash!

I got this Gyro-G Waterproof Vibrator from Good Vibrations and I highly recommend it. It’s waterproof so you can use it in the shower, it’s super quiet which means no awkward convos with your roommate about a late night buzzing noise and it has multiple speeds so you can turn up the intensity as you get more into it. Oh, and it was under $30. Best $30 I’ve spent in quite some time.

2. A journal

After a breakup, you have a lot of pent up #feelz. Feel all of them and write about all of them! Whether it’s in a journal or on your computer, verbalizing your feelings can be very therapeutic. Writing about emotionally charged situations helps puts your experience into perspective, gives structure to any anxious feelings you may have, and brings a sense of catharsis, according to an article in U.S. News & World Report. When I was broken up with, it felt like my ex made a big life decision without consulting me.

Writing about the experience helped me feel like I regained control.

3. A class, a book, or something that inspires you

You used to spend every day with someone and now you don’t. That means you’ve got more time to do something for yourself. I found it really helpful to be intentional with my spare time. What’s a class you’ve always wanted to take? How about a subject you’re super interested in that you never got to explore? Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn how to make homemade pasta, how to contour your makeup, or to speak a new language. The time is now! When your brain wanders and you start overanalyzing your breakup, focus on a new class or discovering a passion instead.

4. Melatonin chocolates + Netflix

The first few weeks after my split I had trouble sleeping. Going to bed turned out to be a memory trigger. I was really used to spending that time with my partner. Melatonin chocolate and Netflix was the perfect solution. This Good Day Chocolate (which you can buy at Whole Foods) tastes amazing and helps make you naturally sleepy. That, plus a “Gilmore Girls” rerun on Netflix (yes, they even have the revival episodes up!) and boom, you’ll be sleeping like a baby in no time.

5. The Unbound Rebound Box

If you haven’t heard of Unbound, I suggest popping over to the website ASAP. Unbound is basically Birchbox for sex toys. You can buy their product as a subscription service that surprises you with a new themed box every three months or you can purchase specific boxes that cater to your mood. The Rebound Box is extremely fitting post-breakup; it’s got everything you need for a very special night in with yourself. From boozy candies to erotic (and feminist AF) movies by Erika Lust and even Ginger Lychee Arousal Gel, prepare to never leave your apartment again.

So, there you have it. Hopefully, these help you as much as they helped me! Most importantly, remember to be kind and patient with yourself. Whether you wanted the split to happen or not, losing someone you spent a lot of time with is really hard. It’s also incredibly rewarding once you get to a place where you’re happy being completely on your own, like the badass bb you are (and if you gotta treat yourself in the meantime to get to that place, we’re right here with you).

Gifs via GIPHY

2020 Update: Unbound’s Rebound Box has been discontinued. Fear not. They still have plenty of other great products and sets you can use in your post-breakup journey.

Must be looooooove on the braaaaain 🧠. Or was that s£x? 👀🤭 Our brains are our largest s£x organs and sometimes they get a little sad, hyperactive, anxious, or overwhelmed. You won’t always be in the mood for s£x and that’s okay! Keep communication with your partner open and ongoing, check in with yourself and your mental health, and lean on the support of a trusted therapist or doctor if you need some extra guidance. 🫶🏽 Anything you would add?

I mean 😏

It is not wrong nor should it feel shameful to ✨seek pleasure.✨ I think those of us who grew up more religious were taught that you should always be in service of others and giving of yourself rather than concerned with our own needs or passions. While it is wonderful to be generous with giving (and can in fact be a source of pleasure), it should be equally encouraged to pursue your own pleasure — it whatever form it may take! It may feel self-indulgent, but why is that a bad thing? Pleasure boosts our mental health. It helps us cope with a difficult world, with anxiety, depression, and stress. It makes us feel good! It gives us something to look forward to. Pleasure helps us connect with others and with ourselves. Pleasure (as long as it is not at the expense of someone else’s safety or well-being) should be a priority, for our joy and for our health. It really is so important! Where do you find pleasure? I personally love a good massage… 💆🏽‍♀️

It’s time for a talk, friend. Let’s be clear, you nor your partner ever has to do *anything* you’re not comfortable with. That said, if it’s something you enjoy and that’s pleasurable to you, it’s okay to ask your partner for it! They can say no, but if they invalidate your pleasure, much less expect you to do something they won’t do?? The ball is then in your court to decide if this is the partner for you. You deserve someone who cares about and prioritizes your pleasure. Who is thrilled to be acquainted with your body, all of it! S-x can be vulnerable to talk about, but when you do…it’s so much better. 👅 included. Ask your partner what their hesitations are and have a *conversation.* Maybe they’re nervous, intimidated, or struggling with shame. Maybe they’re down to try other things you would enjoy and build up to it. The point is, it shouldn’t just be automatically dismissed. You can decide what’s right for you and what makes you feel aroused, validated, and appreciated. Whatever you do, don’t internalize their rejection. Your body is beautiful, desirable, and definitely worthy of pleasure. 😋🥰

A UK study published in the International Urogynecology Journal found that only 46% of participants correctly identified that a female has 3 holes in the external genitalia. 😬 Not great. We’re taught so desperately little about our bodies and so discouraged from exploring them that we don’t even know what we’ve got going on down there! Understanding your own anatomy (and getting educated on your partner’s anatomy) can boost pleasure 1000x!! So take a mirror, use your hands, and get comfy exploring! 🪞🕵🏽‍♀️ And if you really want to get informed (and inspired 😉), head to our website for our basics on pleasure and anatomy. What do you think? Could YOU correctly label a diagram of what lies beneath?

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