A Guide to Practicing Self-Love Like a French Woman

How have French women nailed the art of authentic self-care?

With its morning cafes, slanted rooftops, and delicate pastries, the city of Paris is as charming as daily life can be. Visit once, and the sites and aromas will linger throughout your lifetime. There is something undeniably beguiling about the culture, architecture, and of course, the women. French women give meaning to the phrase je ne sais quoi, that one little something you can’t quite articulate. It’s what makes them confident, alluring, and downright enviable. Since it’s V-day, I’m gifting you the secret to the femme Parisienne. It’s called self-love. While we’ve only just discovered it, French women have been practicing it since girlhood. Here are some fun ways to practice self-love like a French woman.

Create your own retreat

Even if you live in a tiny New York City apartment, the easily accessible world of escapism is wide and plentiful. And before you grab your cell phone, I’m not talking about Instagram. The simple act of lighting candles and turning on soft music, for example, can instantly change your environment into one of sophistication and romance. Enhance the moment by connecting with yourself physically and mentally. Spray lavender on your pillow and acquiesce to equanimity; write in your journal; read a book. Whatever you choose, make sure it’s something that makes you happy.

Embrace your imperfections

Bathrooms can be the worst if they’re only viewed as the place to cover up and hide blemishes on your face and skin. However, if you start treating them as a space where you worship yourself for the goddess you are, bathrooms become sacred. If you take a peek into the medicine cabinet of any French woman, you’ll find rows of luxuriant skincare products and perfumes. Their signature look is a red lip and mascara because they take care of their faces and bodies and prefer a simplified, chic look. Appreciate everything that’s unique about yourself, and you’ll be acting like a French femme in no time.

Just don’t give a d*mn

French women have created an art to subtlety. They make themselves known in a soundless, cat-like way. Their less-is-more clothing style translates to personality as well; they don’t overcomplicate things. French women are prudent, poised, and mysterious. Before agreeing to plans or doing someone a favor, allow yourself to take a beat in order to understand if whatever’s on the table serves your best interest. Saying no isn’t rude; it’s self-preservation, and it really is that simple.

Indulge without guilt

One stark difference between American and French women is guilt. American women are always complaining about their weight and shaming themselves for things they shouldn’t. If you want the extra piece of cake at the party, take it! And if you do, don’t feel badly about it. Enjoy every morsel of sweetness and forkful of joy. French women satisfy their cravings with croissants, wine, and chocolate, and don’t guilt-trip over it when they do. They eat what they want in moderation.

There are a myriad of beauty products, diets, and skincare routines that magazines promise will enhance our features, trim our waistlines, and make us flawless. While it’s fun to entertain these tips and tricks, nothing compares to the magic of inner beauty. Happiness is the secret behind every French woman’s mysterious smile because she pleases herself in all the ways she wants. There’s nothing sexier than that.

Header image illustrated by Marcy Gooberman

Must be looooooove on the braaaaain 🧠. Or was that s£x? 👀🤭 Our brains are our largest s£x organs and sometimes they get a little sad, hyperactive, anxious, or overwhelmed. You won’t always be in the mood for s£x and that’s okay! Keep communication with your partner open and ongoing, check in with yourself and your mental health, and lean on the support of a trusted therapist or doctor if you need some extra guidance. 🫶🏽 Anything you would add?

I mean 😏

It is not wrong nor should it feel shameful to ✨seek pleasure.✨ I think those of us who grew up more religious were taught that you should always be in service of others and giving of yourself rather than concerned with our own needs or passions. While it is wonderful to be generous with giving (and can in fact be a source of pleasure), it should be equally encouraged to pursue your own pleasure — it whatever form it may take! It may feel self-indulgent, but why is that a bad thing? Pleasure boosts our mental health. It helps us cope with a difficult world, with anxiety, depression, and stress. It makes us feel good! It gives us something to look forward to. Pleasure helps us connect with others and with ourselves. Pleasure (as long as it is not at the expense of someone else’s safety or well-being) should be a priority, for our joy and for our health. It really is so important! Where do you find pleasure? I personally love a good massage… 💆🏽‍♀️

It’s time for a talk, friend. Let’s be clear, you nor your partner ever has to do *anything* you’re not comfortable with. That said, if it’s something you enjoy and that’s pleasurable to you, it’s okay to ask your partner for it! They can say no, but if they invalidate your pleasure, much less expect you to do something they won’t do?? The ball is then in your court to decide if this is the partner for you. You deserve someone who cares about and prioritizes your pleasure. Who is thrilled to be acquainted with your body, all of it! S-x can be vulnerable to talk about, but when you do…it’s so much better. 👅 included. Ask your partner what their hesitations are and have a *conversation.* Maybe they’re nervous, intimidated, or struggling with shame. Maybe they’re down to try other things you would enjoy and build up to it. The point is, it shouldn’t just be automatically dismissed. You can decide what’s right for you and what makes you feel aroused, validated, and appreciated. Whatever you do, don’t internalize their rejection. Your body is beautiful, desirable, and definitely worthy of pleasure. 😋🥰

A UK study published in the International Urogynecology Journal found that only 46% of participants correctly identified that a female has 3 holes in the external genitalia. 😬 Not great. We’re taught so desperately little about our bodies and so discouraged from exploring them that we don’t even know what we’ve got going on down there! Understanding your own anatomy (and getting educated on your partner’s anatomy) can boost pleasure 1000x!! So take a mirror, use your hands, and get comfy exploring! 🪞🕵🏽‍♀️ And if you really want to get informed (and inspired 😉), head to our website for our basics on pleasure and anatomy. What do you think? Could YOU correctly label a diagram of what lies beneath?

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