5 Tips for Watching Porn With Your Partner to Boost Intimacy

Porn doesn’t have to be a red flag in your relationship. In fact, it can actually be an asset to spicing up your sex life.

In case you didn’t catch Part 1: Does Porn Have a Place in a Healthy Relationship?, go check that out before reading this! It addresses those hard-hitting questions about how porn impacts your relationship and self-image and how can you reconcile your feelings of intimidation and insecurity when it comes to your partner’s enjoyment of porn. As mentioned in Part 1, many people feel intimidated by the idea of their partner watching porn; it can often stir up feelings of inadequacy or mistrust. Spoiler alert: if your partner watches porn, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are any less interested in you.

While porn is a source of concern in many relationships, I’m here to tell you that it is indeed possible to maintain an incredible sex life and healthy relationship regardless of whether one or both (or more) partners watch porn. Truth is, watching porn with your partner can actually be pretty hot. You can bring porn into the bedroom and use it as a tool in your relationship for fantasy play, entertainment, pleasure (of course), and growing closer and more vulnerable with your partner. Keep reading to discover how!

Taty’s Tips for enhancing intimacy with porn:

1. Ease into it. If you’re already open to the idea of incorporating porn into your sexy time, but you’re not sure where to begin, start out with a simple conversation. Ask your partner what they like and dislike seeing when they watch porn. If you watch porn, share your porn searches and preferences. You both can even send each other links of your go-to videos to masturbate to (with their consent and awareness, of course – perhaps a little NSFW disclaimer!). 

2. Watch porn together as a form of foreplay. In the same way that you would watch a movie on Netflix to get in the mood, watch porn instead. In a study led by Irv Binik at McGill University Health Centre in 2006, researchers monitored genital temperature changes to measure sexual arousal and found that, when shown porn clips, men and women alike began displaying arousal within 30 seconds; men reached maximum arousal in about 11 minutes, women in about 12. 

3. Critique the porn together. Watching porn together can be as goofy and fun as it is arousing. Is one of the actors or actresses being over-the-top with their moaning? Is the dialogue a little too cheesy? Is there too much plot before the actual love-making? You and your partner can be the judge of that and have a good laugh, and/or romp, in the process. 

4. Experiment. Porn doesn’t necessarily have to remain a fantasy that you turn on and off like a light switch. If you find yourself in awe of certain scenes because you crave those experiences in your own sex life, don’t be afraid to re-create those fantasies with your partner. Just be cognizant of the fact that many aspects of porn aren’t exactly reality. There’s a lot of work that goes into making the porn performers and scenes look desirable, so what you see on screen isn’t entirely indicative of what you would experience in real life. Also, porn is meant to be entertainment, not education. That being said, it’s still worth a try to tap into those fantasies and explore your desires. Set safety words and boundaries accordingly.

5. Masturbate as you watch porn together. When it comes to sexual activities, mutual masturbation doesn’t get enough credit. Not only can it break away from routine sex, but enjoying porn together while masturbating can be a spicy added bonus.

Now go forth and get your pleasure on!

Must be looooooove on the braaaaain 🧠. Or was that s£x? 👀🤭 Our brains are our largest s£x organs and sometimes they get a little sad, hyperactive, anxious, or overwhelmed. You won’t always be in the mood for s£x and that’s okay! Keep communication with your partner open and ongoing, check in with yourself and your mental health, and lean on the support of a trusted therapist or doctor if you need some extra guidance. 🫶🏽 Anything you would add?

I mean 😏

It is not wrong nor should it feel shameful to ✨seek pleasure.✨ I think those of us who grew up more religious were taught that you should always be in service of others and giving of yourself rather than concerned with our own needs or passions. While it is wonderful to be generous with giving (and can in fact be a source of pleasure), it should be equally encouraged to pursue your own pleasure — it whatever form it may take! It may feel self-indulgent, but why is that a bad thing? Pleasure boosts our mental health. It helps us cope with a difficult world, with anxiety, depression, and stress. It makes us feel good! It gives us something to look forward to. Pleasure helps us connect with others and with ourselves. Pleasure (as long as it is not at the expense of someone else’s safety or well-being) should be a priority, for our joy and for our health. It really is so important! Where do you find pleasure? I personally love a good massage… 💆🏽‍♀️

It’s time for a talk, friend. Let’s be clear, you nor your partner ever has to do *anything* you’re not comfortable with. That said, if it’s something you enjoy and that’s pleasurable to you, it’s okay to ask your partner for it! They can say no, but if they invalidate your pleasure, much less expect you to do something they won’t do?? The ball is then in your court to decide if this is the partner for you. You deserve someone who cares about and prioritizes your pleasure. Who is thrilled to be acquainted with your body, all of it! S-x can be vulnerable to talk about, but when you do…it’s so much better. 👅 included. Ask your partner what their hesitations are and have a *conversation.* Maybe they’re nervous, intimidated, or struggling with shame. Maybe they’re down to try other things you would enjoy and build up to it. The point is, it shouldn’t just be automatically dismissed. You can decide what’s right for you and what makes you feel aroused, validated, and appreciated. Whatever you do, don’t internalize their rejection. Your body is beautiful, desirable, and definitely worthy of pleasure. 😋🥰

A UK study published in the International Urogynecology Journal found that only 46% of participants correctly identified that a female has 3 holes in the external genitalia. 😬 Not great. We’re taught so desperately little about our bodies and so discouraged from exploring them that we don’t even know what we’ve got going on down there! Understanding your own anatomy (and getting educated on your partner’s anatomy) can boost pleasure 1000x!! So take a mirror, use your hands, and get comfy exploring! 🪞🕵🏽‍♀️ And if you really want to get informed (and inspired 😉), head to our website for our basics on pleasure and anatomy. What do you think? Could YOU correctly label a diagram of what lies beneath?

Modern sex essentials

Related reading

Check out the pod

Plant-based, Science-backed Supplements

use code TABU for 20% off

---

This article may contain affiliate links. Meaning? If you click one and make a purchase, we earn a commission.  This helps us keep creating fire content so you can stay informed and empowered. 🔥 Thank you!