Four Questions to Ask Yourself Before Choosing a Gynecologist

The right doctor is out there, but they might be hard to find.

The first time I visited a gynecologist my mother went in the room with me. Although I was over 18, I just assumed she would come with me. Besides, the doctor never asked for privacy.

I hadn’t menstruated for a few months, and even though I hadn’t yet had sex, I thought it was weird that my doctor didn’t ask me about my sexual activity or possible pregnancy. I never went back to that doctor, but he taught me a valuable lesson.

The path to finding the perfect gynecologist can be long and bumpy. There are specialists who, like mine, take virginity for granted, and others who are not open to diverse sexual practices. A gynecologist who works for some people might not work for another — the possibilities are endless.

Before exploring your options, it’s important to ask yourself four questions.

Source: GIPHY

1. Why are you seeing them?

Is it a routine check-up or do you have a specific problem to address? While finding a well-prepared and overall nice doctor is always in your best interest, a casual visit just to make sure everything’s fine leaves more room for trial and error, while dealing with a particular issue, like PCOS or a hormonal imbalance, will require you to look for a specialist.

Red flag ??: The doctor fails to explain what they’re doing or why, especially if it’s the first time you see them. If this happens, ask questions! A good doctor will gladly give you the answers you need.

2. What makes you feel comfortable?

Everyone’s different, and while some may need a lot of guidance and warmth, others prefer a more distant, matter-of-fact approach from their doctor. Your gyno doesn’t have to be likable, but they do have to be trustworthy and help you feel confident that you are getting the best medical advice.

Red flag ??: Feeling disrespected at any point during your visit.

3. Are they respectful of your values and principles?

My first gynecologist equated being single with virginity, and there are many doctors who let their principles clash with their patients’. Find a doctor who is like-minded on topics ranging from birth control to diverse sexual practices.

Red flag ??: The doctor makes you feel judged or like the doctor is trying to steer you into doing something you’re not comfortable with.

4. Are they knowledgeable and open to talking about your specific issues?

Sexual health needs are about as varied as the people who have them. Despite having years of education, some gynecologists might not be prepared to treat you. In the worst cases, they might not listen closely enough to your problem to figure out what it is that you actually need.

Red flag ??: The information provided is inaccurate or doesn’t apply to your situation. They might have focused on the wrong thing or maybe not have listened to you. Both suggest they’re not the right doctor for you.

At the end of the day, visiting a gynecologist (or any doctor, for that matter) is all about peace of mind, and as long as you’re comfortable and confident that you’re getting the best medical advice you can receive, there’s nothing wrong with long-term commitment.

Must be looooooove on the braaaaain 🧠. Or was that s£x? 👀🤭 Our brains are our largest s£x organs and sometimes they get a little sad, hyperactive, anxious, or overwhelmed. You won’t always be in the mood for s£x and that’s okay! Keep communication with your partner open and ongoing, check in with yourself and your mental health, and lean on the support of a trusted therapist or doctor if you need some extra guidance. 🫶🏽 Anything you would add?

I mean 😏

It is not wrong nor should it feel shameful to ✨seek pleasure.✨ I think those of us who grew up more religious were taught that you should always be in service of others and giving of yourself rather than concerned with our own needs or passions. While it is wonderful to be generous with giving (and can in fact be a source of pleasure), it should be equally encouraged to pursue your own pleasure — it whatever form it may take! It may feel self-indulgent, but why is that a bad thing? Pleasure boosts our mental health. It helps us cope with a difficult world, with anxiety, depression, and stress. It makes us feel good! It gives us something to look forward to. Pleasure helps us connect with others and with ourselves. Pleasure (as long as it is not at the expense of someone else’s safety or well-being) should be a priority, for our joy and for our health. It really is so important! Where do you find pleasure? I personally love a good massage… 💆🏽‍♀️

It’s time for a talk, friend. Let’s be clear, you nor your partner ever has to do *anything* you’re not comfortable with. That said, if it’s something you enjoy and that’s pleasurable to you, it’s okay to ask your partner for it! They can say no, but if they invalidate your pleasure, much less expect you to do something they won’t do?? The ball is then in your court to decide if this is the partner for you. You deserve someone who cares about and prioritizes your pleasure. Who is thrilled to be acquainted with your body, all of it! S-x can be vulnerable to talk about, but when you do…it’s so much better. 👅 included. Ask your partner what their hesitations are and have a *conversation.* Maybe they’re nervous, intimidated, or struggling with shame. Maybe they’re down to try other things you would enjoy and build up to it. The point is, it shouldn’t just be automatically dismissed. You can decide what’s right for you and what makes you feel aroused, validated, and appreciated. Whatever you do, don’t internalize their rejection. Your body is beautiful, desirable, and definitely worthy of pleasure. 😋🥰

A UK study published in the International Urogynecology Journal found that only 46% of participants correctly identified that a female has 3 holes in the external genitalia. 😬 Not great. We’re taught so desperately little about our bodies and so discouraged from exploring them that we don’t even know what we’ve got going on down there! Understanding your own anatomy (and getting educated on your partner’s anatomy) can boost pleasure 1000x!! So take a mirror, use your hands, and get comfy exploring! 🪞🕵🏽‍♀️ And if you really want to get informed (and inspired 😉), head to our website for our basics on pleasure and anatomy. What do you think? Could YOU correctly label a diagram of what lies beneath?

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