I Fingered a Straight Guy’s Butt and It Was Surprisingly Empowering

And now I put my finger on why…

By Allison X.

When I’m drunk I find myself, more often than not, making out in the middle of a bar — not something I’m proud of, but also not the point of the story. After my most recent makeout sesh with this guy Rob, things escalated outside the bar and into his apartment.

Fast forward through awkwardly taking off our clothes and a short scavenger hunt to find a condom, I found myself faced with a peculiar request. “Will you stick your hand over here?” Rob whispered, as he guided my hand toward his butt.

Caught off guard, I gave into Rob’s request. I’d never played with a guy’s butt before, but I heard that it’s a super sensitive area and guys are really into it. As a butt-fingering virgin, I wasn’t prepared for Rob’s reaction. He moaned and squirmed as if he was having a full-on orgasm. I had no idea butt play could bring him to climax.

The next day I looked into what exactly took place in Rob’s butt the previous evening. I was intrigued, a little disgusted and entirely confused — so it was time to dig for some information.

After some bizarrely worded Google searches, I began to understand what the hell was behind his request.

Stimulating a guy’s prostate — specifically the patch of skin between his balls and butt — can be really pleasing for him. Some liken it to the clitoris. His prostate is right above that patch, so if you touch, rub, massage or lick the area, your guy will squirm in a totally orgasmic way.

Although historically associated with men who have sex with men, a lot of straight couples perform and receive anal pleasure. In a study of 1,478 heterosexual men, 24 percent had performed anilingus on their female partners and 15 percent had received it. Most significantly to my research, 24 percent of the men had been fingered in their butthole.

What I thought was such a weird and rare request from Rob turns out to be pretty common. In fact, 12 percent of men polled by Esquire in 2012 admitted to wanting more anilingus.

Facts and figures aside, what surprised me the most during this whole experience was how I felt while touching Rob’s butt. Normally when I am having sex, I feel more submissive than my partner.

When I fingered Rob, I felt like I had more of the power. I became the dominant partner.

I easily controlled his every moan and squirm while rubbing the skin near his prostate. He became more vulnerable with every touch. I was so turned on by it — I didn’t realize how empowering being in control in the sack could feel.

I can’t wait to whip out my new move on the next person I sleep with. As a traditional submissive, stepping into the shoes of a dominant and really walking around in them was so thrilling. I never thought I’d be into anal play, but you know what they say — once you finger a dude’s butthole, it opens up a “hole” new world.

Must be looooooove on the braaaaain 🧠. Or was that s£x? 👀🤭 Our brains are our largest s£x organs and sometimes they get a little sad, hyperactive, anxious, or overwhelmed. You won’t always be in the mood for s£x and that’s okay! Keep communication with your partner open and ongoing, check in with yourself and your mental health, and lean on the support of a trusted therapist or doctor if you need some extra guidance. 🫶🏽 Anything you would add?

I mean 😏

It is not wrong nor should it feel shameful to ✨seek pleasure.✨ I think those of us who grew up more religious were taught that you should always be in service of others and giving of yourself rather than concerned with our own needs or passions. While it is wonderful to be generous with giving (and can in fact be a source of pleasure), it should be equally encouraged to pursue your own pleasure — it whatever form it may take! It may feel self-indulgent, but why is that a bad thing? Pleasure boosts our mental health. It helps us cope with a difficult world, with anxiety, depression, and stress. It makes us feel good! It gives us something to look forward to. Pleasure helps us connect with others and with ourselves. Pleasure (as long as it is not at the expense of someone else’s safety or well-being) should be a priority, for our joy and for our health. It really is so important! Where do you find pleasure? I personally love a good massage… 💆🏽‍♀️

It’s time for a talk, friend. Let’s be clear, you nor your partner ever has to do *anything* you’re not comfortable with. That said, if it’s something you enjoy and that’s pleasurable to you, it’s okay to ask your partner for it! They can say no, but if they invalidate your pleasure, much less expect you to do something they won’t do?? The ball is then in your court to decide if this is the partner for you. You deserve someone who cares about and prioritizes your pleasure. Who is thrilled to be acquainted with your body, all of it! S-x can be vulnerable to talk about, but when you do…it’s so much better. 👅 included. Ask your partner what their hesitations are and have a *conversation.* Maybe they’re nervous, intimidated, or struggling with shame. Maybe they’re down to try other things you would enjoy and build up to it. The point is, it shouldn’t just be automatically dismissed. You can decide what’s right for you and what makes you feel aroused, validated, and appreciated. Whatever you do, don’t internalize their rejection. Your body is beautiful, desirable, and definitely worthy of pleasure. 😋🥰

A UK study published in the International Urogynecology Journal found that only 46% of participants correctly identified that a female has 3 holes in the external genitalia. 😬 Not great. We’re taught so desperately little about our bodies and so discouraged from exploring them that we don’t even know what we’ve got going on down there! Understanding your own anatomy (and getting educated on your partner’s anatomy) can boost pleasure 1000x!! So take a mirror, use your hands, and get comfy exploring! 🪞🕵🏽‍♀️ And if you really want to get informed (and inspired 😉), head to our website for our basics on pleasure and anatomy. What do you think? Could YOU correctly label a diagram of what lies beneath?

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